12th July 2010

Wow, look all around you. Everything changes. In fact CHANGE is about the only thing that doesn't change and that's absolutely guaranteed. But I have great news for you, I am rewriting the laws of the Universe and fighting CHANGE. Do you want to fight CHANGE with me?

How can we do this, you may ask? Well for starters I flew to Los Angeles (private jet) and met up with my good friend and my personal plastic surgeon Dr. Inthahowse. He's awesome believe me. I had a tuck, suck, lift, nip, fold, trim, cut, blow and bleach......and that was just on my nose!! Of course I'm only joking....I had the WHOLE of me done.

I dare say I look FABULOUS (but at the moment my face is still very, very, very swollen and I am unable to see anything at all but Dr. Inthahowse reassures me this is perfectly normal).

CHANGE, pah! Come on people......as a good friend of mine, Michael, said to me one day "Swami, if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that CHANGE". Awesome.

Peace. Om. Chaka Khan.

 

28th October 2009

Hello my friends. It has been a long time since we last spoke.

It is coming to another of my favourite times of year, Hallowe'en or Samhain or All Saints - whatever you want to call it.

It is said to be the time when the veil between this world and the otherworld is at it's thinnest and so spirits can pass through. This is all very good and well but in all honestly I can give or take ghosts and spirits - for me it's all about the toffee apples and having a damn good excuse to dress up in make-up.

This year I am going as Michael Jackson from his Thriller video. I have the red leather jacket and trousers and I am having my hair cut and permed especially for the occasion. Trick or Treat? Awesome.

Peace. Om. Chaka Khan.

1^st June 2009

So how are you all NOT-doing?

Summer is my favourite time of year. The sun is shining and it's the time when I shed those heavy robes and spend all my time in a tight pair of orange Speedos and my lucky flip-flops. Awesome.

It's that time of year when we should all shed a heavy load. At times we all go through dark passages - I know I've been through a few in my time and I've seen many other people's dark passages. It's never very pleasant and to be honest it often stinks but it is essential however for preparing us for the next stage of life.

My advice, put on a pair of orange Speedos and dance your way through it all. Awesome indeed.

 

Peace. Om. Chaka Khan

26th April 2009

My, it has been a long time since we last got together. What have you been upto? I have been very busy doing no-thing and let me tell you it is some of the hardest work I have done for a long time.

The strange thing is that the more I don't do, the more people want to know how i don't do it?? But I don't know how you don't do, do you? You just don't do.

Essentially it's not about not doing, it's really about being or not being as the case maybe. It's about BEING a non-DOER???? While there is a right time to walk against the tide, it is also futile trying to push the water back upstream. Go with the flow and see where it takes you. In my case I often start out in my deluxe infinity pool overlooking the Hollywood hills and let the flow take me down to the jetty at the end of my personal harbour (metaphorically speaking of course!!).

Awesome.

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.

 

22nd December 2008

I love this time of year - not wanting to miss out on anything I find it a lot more fun to just celebrate all the festivals. I celebrate Bodhi Day with my Buddhist friends - I always get so drunk that it turns into an Out Of Bodhi day. Zen hangovers are not for the weak hearted though!!

Then I celebrate Eid with my Muslim mates, Yule with my Pagan pals and Channukah with my Jewish buddies.

It really is a month of seasonal mayhem and copious amounts of boooozzze. By the end of it I've usually acquired at least one more wife, several cars and at least another house (special thanks to Sheik Rattle Androll for this year's very generous gifts - I have sent you your miracles in return and they should be with you anyday now!)

All that is left for me to say is: Have yourself a good time. Love one another, Love yourself. Love yourself again. And Again. And once more for good measure.

 

Cheers. Slainte. Chin Chin.

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.

 

18th November 2008

Why is everyone these days so obsessed with being thin and skinny? It's craziness, they really have lost their whey or at least they should certainly should try to!!!

Here's me cultivating a big, full and rounded Budha belly while eveyone else is trying to waif goodbye to their excess. Well I've fad enough, so here's my advice on Wait Loss -the Swami Cashinanda way to find contentment through patience!!

You know what they say 'a skinny man diets a thousand times but a fat man diets just once'. I couldn't agree more. Now I'm not suggesting that we should gorge ourselves on fast food (I can recommend a vast number of restaurants near to where I live, where the service is so slow that you go in to celebrate one birthday and leave having celebrated the next one!! I digress!!). So perhaps if we shed some of the emotional load from our shoulders and rid ourselves of that excess stress we carry around then we will feel lighter anyway.

So how do you do this? Wait Watchers of course! Or perhaps better known to you and I as good old fashioned meditation. Sit down, close your eyes, breathe deep and watch your wait. Awesome!!

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.

4th November 2008

There's a lot of talk these days about carbon footprints and people doing their bit to help the environment - which is all very good and well but I believe that a lot more of the world's problems could be solved if we all looked after our karmic footprint a bit more.

Either way, let's all face it we've all got really dirty feet (both physically and metaphysically). We've all stood in metaphoric dog poop (I actually stood in real earth dog poo this morning, I think it must have been from a dog the size of a horse and it got all over my shoes and up my trouser leg - once again I digress!!).

What I'm getting at is that it is time to clean up our act and get out the cosmic shoe polish and stop leaving a trail of destruction behind us. Alternatively we can walk on one leg and half the footprints we leave behind in an instant!! Awesome!!

 

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.

 

17th October 2008

Hallow! How are you? Or perhaps the question should be Who you are?

Now I don't want to be the bearer of bad news BUT you are not who you think you are. For some of you this may come as a huge relief - I know that my next door neighbour Phil was delighted to learn of this. Actually perhaps he's not the best example to speak of as he took this lesson one step too far and now insists on being known as Phyllis - though I do have to say he looks great in a frock and has a cracking pair of legs!!

I digress.

Perhaps you have heard it said that we are not 'human beings' having the odd spiritual experience but that we are really 'spiritual beings' having the odd human experience. I would like to dare to go one step further and say that we are all just one big odd experience. So let's put our differences aside and just be bloody odd together!

Do something odd today - stroke a weasel, tickle a turnip, wear your underpants outside your trousers - (but if you get arrested don't tell them I told you to do it).

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.

 

7th October 2008

Hi there. For those of you who don't know me then please let me introduce myself. I am Swami Cashinanda. For want of a better title I am heavenly, divine, spiritual lord, guru and ultimate master to the boys in Flux Ache and of course to many thousands of other beings and entities.

The boys from Flux Ache have been studying for many years at my secret Ashram in 32376643 (Thats the cosmic postcode for the Ashram!! It's a secret I said!!). Humble as I am and without wanting to blow my own trumpet (I don't actually advocate tantric sex) - I have taught the boys EVERYTHING they know about God, the Universe and anything else besides.

The boys have paid me very handsomely to write to you each week and hopefully to try to convey even just a smidgypoo of the knowledge, wisdom and divinity that is in me, "the greatest living legend in the Universe Swami Cashinanda" (Not my words but the words of top spiritual journalist and writer Paige Turner).

So let's get it going on, where better to start than with Lesson One: Patience.

For Lesson One: Patience, please come back next week. See you then! Enjoy!

 

Peace, Om, Chaka Khan.